November 18, 2010

It's been a year since... Musings on my alternative life choices

(Written 12/09/09.  I'll give you a current-day update in two weeks.)

It's been a year since I quit my job, packed my personal items and stored them in the attic, and went to a third world country without knowing a soul.

This was one of the most difficult efforts of my life.
I was not scared of Ecuador, but scared to quit my life back in America. Aren't we supposed to get a decently paying job and keep it, especially in this economy? Aren't we supposed to pay down our student loans as quickly as possible? And what about the spouse??? I'm getting older, and the purple veins on my legs are appearing in startling numbers. When will I find a man to purpose myself toward? I long for this!


Today I danced around in my lawn. The grass was frosty, you see, and I've not crunched frosty grass in about 16 months. I miss the feeling of the crinkle of the grass under a bit of my weight, and then the sound and movement of the blanket of grass sinking in as I fully step down. I start to tear up because this is a precious moment to me. I am living the Oregon life. I miss these things.

I am happy. I am working temp jobs, helping friends with their personal issues, visiting people who need a friend. I am planning trips to Oklahoma, California, and Phoenix. I am freezing cold. (This does not make me happy at all. In fact, I rather despise it. Anyone want to go play in the snow? I need to ASAP!)

And while I am fairly happy, I am also... confused. Feeling alone. Hurting over a man that I adore but cannot be with. On a separate note, I do not sleep well and am often tired and do not know how to resolve the issue. I am so thankful to have the opportunity to help my grandparents, and thankful for the income, but I consider my bank accounts to still be meager. I have spoken with so many of my friends, and they resoundingly are struggling with the same issues as I: knowing our life purpose, finding the "right" mate, sorting through confused values and ideals, and deciding who they are and how they fit into mankind's messy world.


I am physically cold in Oregon.
I do not know very much about myself nor the world, but I know that I dislike being cold. I know if I stay in Salem now, I may stay in Salem forever. Combining these two pieces of information causes me to conclude that I need to move out of Salem now. I am only here to see my family for the holidays, and to catch up with my dearest friends.

I am ready to leave the mainland.
I cannot say I am ready to go abroad nor leave the continent, because I may move to Kauai (Hawaii.) Who knows.

It's funny - everyone expects that I will go to some unusual place next. I may need to get a job and earn some money first. Or perhaps find work while traveling. Who knows.

But I do know one thing. I follow peace. If it means helping my family or living on an organic farm commune in Hawaii or helping children being sold into sex slavery somewhere far from here, I will do it.

(God, give me peace! :)

A thousand blessings to you.
Thank you for faithfully being my friends. I am tremendously grateful for you.

Peace -
Miss Rose

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